When the Magic Truly Began

Three years ago today, my Love, the Universe brought us to the doorstep of magic. We couldn’t see the door until then, but the Universe had been unfolding its plan for us all along. The last impediments to our magical Love were stripped away when, even before we knew the other existed, we began to simplify our lives. That’s when the magic truly began.

Four years ago we couldn’t sense one another because we were surrounded by too much noise and busyness. The traffic in our lives drowned the other out. We had to make room for life in our lives before we could make room for one another. You moved from the suburbs to the city and I moved from administration to teaching. Although we didn’t know about us, the timeless Universe knew it was time. That’s when the magic truly began.

With our busyness and noise subdued, we presented ourselves to the Universe searching for someone to share life with. You dated, I dated, but the right dates never showed. The Universe winked and patted on us the shoulder. We didn’t give up; we went online. I jotted off a quick note of introduction. You responded, and so we finally closed the circuit of Love awaiting us for eternity. That’s when the magic truly began.

Three years ago today, can you believe it?! Since then we’ve closed worlds behind us. We packed up, zipped up, and closed up the kilometers between Montréal and Orlando. We graduated a few teenagers and celebrated countless birthdays and holidays on all sides of religious fences, and we spent time at the beach. That’s when the magic truly began.

Of course we too wonder of worlds that lie ahead: of Adirondack chairs, of avocado trees, and of citrus gardens. We await grandchildren. There’ll be more Paris, and a lot more of Barcelona. That’s when the magic truly began.

Most importantly, however, we have one another day-to-day. The magic in my life begins anew daily. With you. You strum my heart. You are my first stirrings in the mornings and my final stirrings in the night. Every morning in; every night out. You are my tide. You are my breath. You are my very life. That’s when the magic truly began.

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Happy Second Anniversary, Avocado

How wonderful to celebrate the completion of our second year of marriage with dinner at Disney’s Boma—Flavors of Africa.

Suffused with the magical air of Disney, the extraordinary diversity of the enormous culinary buffet tirelessly winds itself the length of the restaurant floor. Armed with only a plate, we go on safari, hunting meat, fruits, vegetables, soups, salads, gravies, breads, relishes, puddings, and desserts across the continent-sized buffet.

Flavors we encounter remind us of the flavorful days we encounter all year. Some are more robust than others, some hardier, some lighter and more delicate, some salty, some bittersweet. Others are not quite discernible but reminiscent, and leave us wondering . . . .

The textures of the feast vary, much like the weather. Crispy, creamy, crunchy, soft, chewy, hard, wiggly, stiff, or limp; mostly Florida sunny, with some blustery days and intermittent showers; but delicious all.

Delights delivered by fork and spoon ripple past our taste buds, as pleasure slips over our tongues. We nip, nibble, bite, and chew, savoring each sensation. Sometimes we close our eyes to lose ourselves in wonderment, like lingering on a lover’s kiss. The flavors and textures swirl in our mouths, then disappear like cream in coffee to remind us of dreamy days on the beach, the surf delivering waves of relaxation, our cares disappearing in the sand.

After each kiss we open our eyes to vibrant colors. The smorgasbord itself an orchestrated palette of wondrous hues, workers all donned in colorful garb of far away lands, dessert for the eyes.

The actual desserts on the buffet, like the desserts of our Love, are too numerous to count and worth the price of the banquet alone. Others leave dessert until it’s too late, forgetting to leave room. They live their lives that way too, busying themselves with the children, the job, and the housework, forgetting to leave room for dessert.

I like our way better, savoring dessert every day. A giggle here, a phone call, a walk at night, a hug, a silly poem, a whisper, a massage, a smile, a sneak pre-breakfast in the middle of the night.

At Boma we start with a taste of dessert before heading off on safari. This reminds us of the sweetness in life to come. Of course we end the night with dessert as well. We live our life that way too, savoring one another before tackling each day, and returning home for more.

Life may be a smorgasbord, but you are my dessert; you simply are my everything.

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First Kiss

I thought we might celebrate Valentine’s Day with a first kiss. The scene below appears in a forthcoming story about a magical Love.

I know the Love is magic, because I live it daily.

The First Kiss

Time slowed as the elevator began its descent to the hotel lobby. In my final moments alone, I continued to wonder what I had wondered since October: where first would I sense her? Where first would I see her? Where first would I feel her presence? Of course the choices of where first narrowed in the weeks since we connected. Our phone calls, text messages, emails, laughter, and tears placed us together this afternoon in Montréal’s Hotel de la Montagne; but where would I first experience Sarah? Would she be to my right, or to my left? Would I bump into her without knowing, or feel her from across the room? Would I walk past, only to spot her like a businessman who scans the crowd for his placarded name held by an anonymous driver?

The elevator stopped on the third floor and a little boy and his dad joined me. We rode on in silence; they dressed in their winter coats and scarves to brave the cold, I only in my long sleeves and a sweater. At the first floor, little boy and dad raced around the corner to meet mom; riding in on their departure came the realization that I needed to look to my left as I rounded the corner of the hallway. Sarah would be to my left.

The lobby was a maze of traffic. Staff members and guests, young and old hustled about, swerving in and around one another, around luggage, and around the columns of the Grand Foyer. Jacob, sensing the nearness of Sarah, was oblivious to the whirling traffic around him. The din of the children’s cries, the clicking of luggage carts rolling past, the stomping of feet to shake off the cold, all grew softened until his silence was complete. Jacob could hear only his breath as he entered the foyer and looked where he knew he’d find her. He would later tell others that his breath stopped when he first saw Sarah.

My breath stopped. Time stopped. The world stopped, or rather, it continued in a flurry about me but all I could see, hear, and feel was Sarah. There was a moment before she saw me when she seemed to be hiding, almost ready to run back to her cab. Huddled beneath a black wool coat its collar up, a cap covering much of her curly black hair, and a scarf covering all but her red, red lips and her fire-lit brown eyes, Sarah paced behind two white pillars. She grasped the collar of her coat with gloved hands, almost as if she were playing peekaboo, or the child’s game of you can’t see me.

Once the fire in her eyes met mine, “I floated across the floor; I don’t remember my feet moving,” Jacob would later say. “It was like a tractor beam.” The muted world of the foyer grew ever more distant until at last the lovers embraced. Smiles were their only introduction. Jacob drew Sarah close, inhaling the lingering envelope of the cold damp still about her, and warmed by the hearth in her eyes. By the time he closed his, and touched her moist red lips, eternity melted, and the world around them disappeared, their thirsts quenched after a long drought.

Lifetimes passed during the embrace, neither could let go, and both held tight. Sarah’s eyeglasses got rearranged, but she hardly cared. “He’s strong,” she would tell her friends. Jacob nestled his chin on her curly black hair, and they rubbed cheeks, noses, and lips. Gentle kisses rained as they were filled with well-being and a healing sense of once again becoming whole.

The bustle of the Grand Foyer continued about them while Jacob and Sarah remained alone together in eternity.

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Happy Anniversaries!

There are many wonderful, happy things about being married to my beautiful wife, beginning with her heart-melting smile, her magnificently lit eyes, and her effervescent giggle. But in addition to all her natural beauty, strength, and wonder that make her delicious, she knows how to punctuate our life together with celebrations. And why not? We figure the more reasons to celebrate, the better. For example, while every happily married couple celebrates their wedding anniversary, we wonder why they celebrate just one; what about the others?

Our first anniversary is this weekend (October 20). I don’t mean the first anniversary of our wedding; I mean the first of a string of anniversaries we celebrate all year long. This weekend begins our annual series of anniversaries, our high holidays.

“How many anniversaries do you have?” my youngest daughters asked recently when they saw the red hearts drawn on the family calendar. “You got married in April.”

“Well,” I said. “Instead of just one anniversary, we have a bowlful, something like a bowlful of M&Ms,” I told them. “That way we can just reach in and enjoy one whenever we want.”

And I’m not that far off. For example, we celebrate this Saturday night because two years ago the Universe placed us together on e-Harmony. I still remember the moment I discovered our match. The voltage running through me was the same as if I had first seen her framed through a camera lens, backlit under some apple tree and slowly turning towards me in a movie.

“So what’s next weekend, then?” the pesky 9-year-old continued her line of questioning. “There’s a red heart there too!”

“Yes, that’s another anniversary. You see, your step-mom responded a week after our match was made (October 27). That was our second M&M.”

“What other anniversaries are there?” pesky continued. “I guess when you finally met, huh?”

“Yes, but not so fast. There are a few M&Ms in between.”

“How many?”

“Let’s see, there’s the first “real” e-mail we sent outside of e-Harmony (November 3), the first time she finally sent me a photograph (November 4). . . .”

“You hadn’t even seen what she looked like?”

“That’s right, and she sent a fuzzy, dark, out-of focus picture. It wasn’t until later that I got a decent picture. In fact, she suggested our first phone call (November 7), instead of connecting with me on LinkedIn because of the photo of her there. Then there’s Avocado Day (November 14), finally meeting her in person Thanksgiving weekend (November 27), the day we decided to get married (November 28), the proposal (December 31), her visit here with her daughter to meet you guys (February 23), the wedding (April 10), and our arrival via U-Haul (August 3). Let’s see, 1,2,3….10! Adding the October two, that’s twelve—one anniversary for each month!”

“That’s a lot of M&Ms, dad.”

“Yes, sweetie, that’s a lot of M&Ms; we Love M&Ms!”

Happy anniversaries, Love!

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Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

You’ve been gone ten years now, but in many ways you never left. I want to thank you for teaching me so much. I still hear your voice repeating lessons as necessary. It’s like having a treasure trove audio library of wisdom to play as needed. One of my favorite lessons my children know by heart: “Don’t go looking for trouble, son, it’s going to find you anyway.” While trouble indeed finds me, Dad, your lessons so often help me minimize its impact.

You taught me to stand on my own; to work hard; to stand fast in the face of adversity; to pick myself up and brush myself off when adversity won; to play chess; to shake hands after a game, win, lose, or draw; to turn the board around and play another game after a loss; to be big enough to admit when I was wrong; to be humble when I was right; to play paddle ball and racquetball; to ride a bicycle and to ice skate, and to get back up when I fell off the bike or onto the ice.

I remember some aggravating times between us too—stupid teenage years. During one difficult spell I was complaining to mom when she stopped me cold and said, “son, you see yourself in your father, that’s what’s gnawing at you.” Mom of course, was right. Isn’t she always?

You also taught me compassion, to chase my dreams, and to keep a sense of humor. But most of all you taught me how to Love, for no man so Loved a woman as you Loved mom. Is there a more powerful lesson a man could teach a son?

Thank you, Dad. I don’t feel I’m one-half the man you were, and I’m sure my children will agree, but I’m damn glad to have such an ideal to aim for.

For a role model, mentor, and father, I hit the jackpot.

I Love you.

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Silence is Golden

Silence is best in Love, almost always. Good things come in silence. Eyespeak, for one. Soft caresses, another. The scent of clean sheets in the dark. Love is largely caressed in silence; soft, whispered I Love yous merely punctuate loving silence.

I was taught that silence is golden, but I thought it meant that I should remain quiet because children should be seen and not heard. I’ve since come to understand, that unless I’m delivering pure audible Love caresses, less is more, especially within Ourself. I know my pleading words of correction, explanation, and refinement almost never make a difference for the better. They almost always represent my bruised ego defending some perceived harm. Not a recipe for success.

Heated words are too easily re-ignited by more heated words; coals upon coals. What’s the use in that? I’ve been called weak, afraid, even uncaring because I wouldn’t pour audible gasoline upon heated conversations. I have also regretted singeing my eyebrows after dousing heated conversations with high-octane vitriol. Given a choice, if I can control myself, I choose silence whenever I can.

When I am at a loss of words I choose not to invent them. When every syllable I might utter is likely answered by six; when I see things so differently that thousands of words need translate; when words fly faster than I can keep up; when I wish I could hold her and am repelled; I know nothing I can say will suffice.

Then I am quite content to paraphrase Elbert Hubbard: she who doesn’t understand my silence will probably not understand my words.” So, why speak them?

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Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day! Although the origin of the holiday is sketchy; and although it was removed from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI, today we celebrate Valentine’s Day in hundreds of countries around the world. It’s a day we get to be giddy and silly. A day for chocolate, wine, extra kisses, extra hugs, flowers, dancing, music, and candle-lit dinners. One day for Love.

One day to particularly celebrate and share our  Love; one day to put aside petty annoyances that mount in our lives; one day in particular to pause and tell our someone, “I Love you”; one day to let our hair down, to let our guard down, to let ourselves romance and to be romanced; one day to put Love first.

I feel every Day should be Valentine’s Day. Why not feast on romance every day? I’m answered by a chorus of naysayers. People can’t celebrate Love every day, it seems, because life gets in the way. Life’s dirty dishes and dirty diapers; life’s vacuuming and mopping. Life’s laundry must be sorted, washed, dried, folded, and put away. There are children who whine, scream, and shout, who we schlep hither and yon, who have homework, who just need our attention; there are bosses to placate, bills to pay, phone calls to make and meals to cook, which brings us around to dirty dishes again. Where is the room for Love?

We’re taught when we begin driving that it is important to keep our eye on the road because we steer the car towards wherever we are looking. This is true in life as well. When we keep Love in sight, we always head in its direction. We can’t let the business of life, the busy-ness of life, dull the luster of Love. Our busy-ness in life produces dust or sediment, which, much like sawdust in a woodshop, soon covers the floor and everything else there. We must sweep up the sawdust, or soon be overcome by it. If we remain busy in everything but Love, the sawdust mounts and Love is lost in its avalanche.

It doesn’t take much to clear the area. Romance needn’t be expensive dinners, expensive flowers, or expensive chocolate. Love needn’t be expensive at all. Love needs only our attention. That’s it. Love can be a note tucked into his pocket or his lunch, or placed under her pillow, or on her mirror. Love can be macaroni and cheese with the children—knowing they soon will be in bed. Love can be a chili and hotdog lunch with the whole family; it needn’t be a one-on-one sport. Love can be a perfumed Love letter; you don’t have to be Shakespeare. Love means taking the time to place your Love first; before the job, before the bills, before all the mounting annoyances in our lives. Love first.

How do you keep your Love first?

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How Do You Unmangle Love?

All is energy Einstein said. It can’t be created or destroyed; it just is. So Love can’t be created or destroyed. Maybe, but it certainly can get mangled.

How does one unmangle, or better yet, prevent the mangling of one’s Love in the first place? Mangling arises when we fail to separate our Love from all the noise of our lives. When we heap our Love together with all the stressors of life, how can Love itself not become a stressor? Our Love isn’t mangled, our lives are. When we fail to differentiate one from the other, all becomes a twisted, mangled mess. Instead of being shaped and tempered by the passion of our souls, Love is bent and twisted by the furies and tempests of life.

If we are fortunate, Love emanates from a central role in our lives and permeates all we do. Yet our sense of loving one person above all others needs to be held separate and secure, in a special locked chamber of the heart with only one key. There, only one fire may burn; the fire that warms us, fuels us, and lights our way in the dark. If we fail to protect our Love by separating it, first it gets tangled up, then mangled up in life. So, how do we separate our Love? There are as many ways as there are lovers.

One way to protect and separate our Love is to tell ourselves, our lover, and the world that our Love comes first. We protect and separate our Love in words and deeds. When the children misbehave or the boss becomes unreasonable, take a breath and ask yourself, what on earth does my lover have to do with all this? The silent answer speaks volumes: nothing.

Yes, our energies may run low, depleted by the incessant needs of the children: shopping, chauffeuring, schlepping, cooking, cleaning, and caring for them when they are ill. There are 2 am feedings, 3 am diapers, and midnight at the mall teen—“Dad, can you pick us up at Midnight after the movie and take me and my friends home?” There’s homework not done, chores not done, and rooms not clean.  But what does our lover have to do with all this? Shhh, listen…. That’s right, nothing.

Frazzled as we may be, tucked away deep inside our private chamber, the fire of Love glows. It can refresh us as needed. Try this: close your eyes and place your hands over your heart. Think of your lover and breathe slowly.  Three minutes of quiet breathing in the heart will help smooth out life’s wrinkles. At the same time it serves to separate, strengthen, and straighten out your Love. It reminds us of Ourself, the intersection of our life with our lover’s. Breathing in our heart reminds us that there are no unruly teenagers there, no unreasonable bosses, no demands. In our heart’s deepest chamber there is just lover-lover.

Simple, untangled Love.

Let me know what you think about breathing in your heart and what other ways you use to keep your Love unmangled.

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Love Is a Sport

Shot of a tennis racket and two tennis balls o...

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Love is an active sport. There are lots of kinds of love of course. There is love of family, love of children, love of puppies, and love of life for example. But at Avocado Love, we’re interested in Love spelled with an upper case L. It’s a sport just for two, where no score is kept. Couples engage in the sport for the sheer energy and excitement of it.

The sport is enjoyed anywhere and everywhere, and spontaneity often plays a roll. Two Lovers can keep the sport alive for decades. Successful contests never end. Time outs, family breaks, and professional careers are allowed for short periods. The sport of Avocado Love may be divided into sets, quarters, innings, rounds, lengths, laps, periods, sets, or matches, according to the tastes of the players involved. The rules are easy to remember and simple to apply. There are only two.

Rule number 1: Always serve the other player first.

Rule number 2: Have fun.

Games may be enjoyed for decades when energetic couples continue to find ways of serving one another as they weave in and out of the traffic and complications of their daily lives. Couples maintain Love’s energy when they maintain focused on the sport of Avocado Love. If your attention is on serving your lover, then the daily traffic of life’s events can’t throw your stride. We should keep our partner first in our heart and mind. By focusing on our partner we serve our partner in the same way that a tennis player focuses on serving the ball.

Of course there are board meetings, childhood scrapes, auto accidents, and illnesses to deal with; life is not always played on well-manicured tennis courts. But the trick is to pick up your racquet and serve your partner first. If you do it consistently, your partner will be looking for ways to serve you. And that formula will fuel Avocado Love for a lifetime.

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Every Day Should Be Valentine's Day

Candle

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It’s Valentine’s Day! Give her a fully body wrap hug; give him a long lasting kiss. Maybe flowers, dinner, or wine. Maybe a movie, and of course, chocolate! Take a few moments today to enjoy and savor one another. Sneak in an extra phone call, come home early. Too often we forget these simple pleasures.

We forget that we promised to spend our lives together. We forget, or we think the promise means less somehow. That somehow the bills, the children, the boss, and the job water down our promise of Love. We let common day irritations mute our laughter and numb our souls. So we forget to laugh, forget to smile, forget to be kind. Too often we forget to nurture the Love we promised to protect.

What a horrible shame. For at one time and place you stood beside your lover and envisioned forever, dreamed forever, and planned forever. You know what? Forever isn’t gone; it lives within you. Hard economic times may make it difficult to embrace the holidays, but Valentine’s Day isn’t about chocolate. It’s about reconnecting.

It’s about reconnecting with Love, with the real reason worth living. The children, the job, the bills, the mortgage, the headaches, and the phone calls can all be put on hold. Tonight’s the night to turn off the cell phone and turn off the T.V.; to turn off the incessant noise of what doesn’t matter. Tonight’s a night to cuddle and be together. Candles in or candles out; they’re always a good idea. The trick is to shut off the world and reconnect.

If you can’t go out for a candle lit dinner, light the candles at home. Even simple casseroles taste better when candles are lit. Put the children to bed early and reconnect. You can even snuggle with the children a little bit, but there has to be time for mom and dad alone.

Light the candles and watch them dance in her eyes. Put music on, sing to her softly, or hum as you take her for a swirl around the kitchen or dining room. See where the night takes you.

And tomorrow morning, before you get out of bed to face the world, look into her eyes and see forever again.

Every day should be Valentine’s Day, and if you pay attention to what matters, it can be.

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