Image via Wikipedia

I asked my mother years ago why it was that my first girlfriend could so suddenly, swiftly, and silently deliver me from great soaring heights to the deepest of despairs. I was fortunate because this girlfriend and I were together throughout high school, so this wasn’t a trifling girlfriend-of-the-week-problem that would sort itself out or disappear when the relationship ended on Friday. My mother replied, “That’s because she’s inside of you.”

Other adults confirmed mom’s answer, of course. But it didn’t make her answer sit any better. I mean, the part about my girlfriend sending me soaring into the clouds was terrific, but the plunging me into the depths of Dante’s Inferno, well, I didn’t care for that part so much. And I particularly didn’t like the fact of my inability to prevent the plunge, nor did I enjoy my inability to mitigate it in any way.

Even back then I understood that life had its ups and downs, but the inability to drive these plot twists was maddening. So were the physical sensations of the knotted stomach and frayed nerves. Even roller coaster rides with their dramatic plunges, twists, and twirls were generally mercifully short and had predictable endings. Not so Love’s ride. Why do we stay on it then?

Over the years I decided the answer has to go beyond the simplistic concept that we ride because the highs are worth the lows. I think the answer lies closer to the plane of thought that says, since she’s inside of me, I can’t help but ride the ride because at least to some extent, we are one. That means I’m inside her too; we’re both riding the roller coaster. We’re both in this together. Sure enough, I’ve discovered through the years that most often when my stomach becomes knotted and I get queasy because our ride is more thrilling than I had hoped, it turns out she isn’t enjoying herself either. Realizing that helps in three ways. It’s easier to survive the ride in the first place, it’s easier to recover from it in the second place, and it’s easier to agree to avoid rides like that in the future.